The Fly

By: Michelle Bond

Did you ever see the movie, The Fly? Basically, Jeff Goldbloom plays a scientist who is trying to develop a way for some physical matter to be scattered into billions of little pieces, send flying through the air, and then be put back together in a specially designed arrival pod. (A la Scotty from Star Trek) One crazy night, he decides to test this on himself. Only, as he shuts the door to the tele-transporter, a common house fly sneaks in. Goldbloom is scattered into a million pieces, along with the fly, and they are put back together on the other side, just not quite right.

All of that just to say, I think I may be mirroring Jeff Goldbloom in, The Fly. Christian was born six and a half weeks ago; and, I am pretty sure, I did not get put together correctly. I don’t foresee molting, or growing antenna in the future; but, after two kids, I am pretty sure I am not going to return to the pre-tele-transport days. Speaking of flies, I spent twenty minutes yesterday lying on my bed trying to get the fly in my favorite pair of jeans up. But. I digress. I have met the lored woman who can fit in her favorite jeans before leaving the hospital; but, there is only one. (Seriously, she’s in my mom’s group. You want to hate her; but, she’s just such a nice person)

I have been running for about two weeks now and, things are beginning to move back, just not exactly where they were before. On a positive note, maybe I can begin sporting the “MOM JEANS.” Perhaps, I could make them Vogue. St. Augustine could be the epicenter for a fashion revolution that would rock the stay-at-home world to its core. Or, maybe not.

To further prove this theory of being put back together wrong, I would like to point out that I had big feet before I was pregnant. Now, I am pretty sure I have a promising future in bare-foot- skiing. Actually, when you say it out loud, “Bond, Michelle Bond, Professional Bare-Foot Skier,” it sounds pretty cool.

Along with the afore mentioned pieces of evidence, I would like to add that my hormones are a little misplaced. Lifetime movies are sad. “Beaches” takes the cake; but, I’m pretty sure Wife Swap and Nanny 911, should not bring crocodile tears to anyone’s eyes.

In summation, I got my body back from being an incubator; but, not quite the one I had before I tele-transported, err, had my second child. While Jeff Goldbloom was left transforming into a hideous creature, I transformed into a blessed mother of two. BONUS! So, bring on those MOM JEANS, Professional Barefoot Skiing, and “Wife Swap”, maybe in the future, I’ll get that minivan and really “drive” the revolution.